Funny Quotes Categorized by Authors
Funny Quote: – In today’s world we have lots, lots of ambitions to work with and a lot of pressure on the head of life, work, family and children. Are we not losing the smile on our face because of these actions? We are really spending our time, now it is time to live. Live with a smile on your face and funny quotes are the best for manifesting stress for life in that situation, even if it is only for a short period, but to make the mind work more effectively. Will give new energy. There is a way of comedy that makes us realize that we are all going through the same stuff in this crazy life.
Through funny quotes, we can make anyone laugh and make his day. Jokes are actually beneficial in changing the mood from sad to happy. It changes our outlook, our day or even our life. As there is a lot of tension circulating in the minds of people working dirty quotes or funny jokes quotes, the video can boost their minds to work again. You must have said these funny quotes about work, love, friends and family, “so true!” Because, well, they are. Other people will remember you with hilarious, meme-worthy film and TV moments. Only the best quotes make it here, and it depends on our visitors which one they make and which not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so if you think please quote or vote rocks!
Take a much-needed break from your day to check out these 50+ funny quotes found in stand-up comedy, books, dramas, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle.
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Sandeep Maheshwari Quotes
Funny Quotes on Optimist
1. An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
2. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.” ― Bill Cosby
3. An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
4. “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra
5. When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.
Funny Quotes on Men & Women
6. “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won“Headline?” he asked. “‘Swing Set Needs Home,'” I said. “‘Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'” he said. “‘Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'” I said.” ― John Green’t come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra
7. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
8. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
9. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” – Alexander Woollcott
10. “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Bierce
Funny Quotes on Life
11. “It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz
12. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney
13. “At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers
14. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.” – Anton Chekhov
15. “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke
Short Funny Quotes
16. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
17. “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
18. “Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin
19. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin
20. “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill
Funny Quotes on Teacher
21. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch
22. Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have? Student: A Fight.
23. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Gore Vidal
24. “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?” All the time.” ― Wendy Mass
25. Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
Funny Quotes on Friendship
26. We are going to be best friends forever… besides you already know too much.
27. My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn’t be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn’t be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
28. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
29. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
30. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. Unknown
31. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray
32. I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright
33. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson
34. “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.” — Emo Philips
35. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” — Emo Philips
Funny Quotes on Life
36. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
37. “I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, ‘If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Just not these four.’” —Sheila Lee
38. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
39. “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” —Sandra Bullock
40. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
Funny Quotes on Love
41. “I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
“Steven Wright
42. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
Charles M. Schulz
43. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
Louisa May Alcott
44. “The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.” Gore Vidal
45. “Sleep is good’, he said, ‘and books are better.”
George R.R. Martin
Funny Quotes on Study
46. “Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.” Anonymous
47. I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone. –Anonymous
48. “Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.”-Anonymous
49. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? –Anonymous
50. The broccoli says ‘I look like a small tree’, the mushroom says ‘I look like an umbrella’, the walnut says ‘I look like a brain’, and the banana says ‘Can we please change the subject” –Anonymous
